Enjoy The Moment – Podcast: S01E013

Sometimes, we don’t enjoy the moments in our lives. Now, I know not every moment was meant to be enjoyed, especially when it comes to trials in our lives. But, there are times when we are not fully present in moments that were meant to experienced and appreciated! When I wrote my book, Moments: Making Your Life Count For What Matters Most, one of the 6 principles that I highlighted was Enjoy The Moment. In today’s podcast, you will learn why enjoying the moments in your life is important and 3 concepts for how to do this effectively.

Episode Outline:

To enjoy the moment, I have found three key supporting concepts that can make this principle come alive in your life:

  1. The journey is as important as the goal
    • Consider the following questions when pondering the concept of the journey:
      • What did it take for you to reach your goal?
      • Who has helped you along the way?
      • Who has been impacted by your journey?
      • How did your journey affect your growth as a person?
  2. Love who you are
    • Do you love who you are and who you are becoming?
    • Do you let feelings affect your acceptance of core truths about your life?
    • If you let negative feelings affect your thoughts and ultimately your actions, you will never reach the mountaintops that are prepared just for you.
    • Consider the following equation: A = T2 + F
    • Unpacking the equation: Our attitude (A) equals thoughts based on truth (T2) plus or minus our feelings (F). We must maintain a foundation of truth in our lives, and our thoughts must reflect these truths. You have a choice in whether to believe what is true about your life, but your decision does not determine its truth. As Dr. Barry Landrum, my father-in-law and former pastor, says, “The truth is still the truth even if no one believes it. And a lie is still a lie no matter how many people believe it.”
    • What truth is God trying to communicate to you about Himself and about your life?
  3. Love what you do
    • Do I love my work?
    • What are my strengths and talents?
    • What do those who know me best say my strengths and talents are?
    • What am I really passionate about?
    • Do my strengths, talents, and passions line up with what I am currently doing?
    • Am I fully engaged in my work?
    • On Monday morning, do I have a yearning that I MUST be there?
    • Do I make a positive impact?

Resiliency Is Found In One Swing Of The Racket

Rafael Nadal was in a fierce battle on the grassy courts of the All England Tennis Club against Gilles Muller, an underdog in this battle. This was Wimbledon, a tournament where championships are earned, heartbreaks abound, and greatness is achieved! They were well into the 5th set of the match when the announcer boldly proclaimed: “The distance between triumph and disaster is just a swing of the racket.” The final set in a match at Wimbledon cannot be decided by a tiebreaking game, so they played until Muller eventually won 15-13 games in the 5th and deciding set.

Gilles Muller beating Nadal

Gilles Muller (Credit: Clive Brunskill/Getty Images)

For many people, the quote from the Wimbledon announcer represents their life. I work with many athletes where success or setbacks hang in the balance of one play, one shot, one game, or one race based on the decisions and choices that they make. Pressure is often at its greatest during these moments, and they must be present and focused in order to bring their best to the competition at hand. Sometimes, they are competing against someone else. Other times, they are competing against themselves wondering if they have what it takes to overcome a misplaced doubt or random negative thought that decided to enter their mind at the most inopportune time.

Triumph and disaster do often hang on the swing of a racket, the follow through of a shot, or the kick of a ball. The key question is: What do peak performers think about in moments like these that will help them achieve triumph over disaster? Here are 3 things that you can learn from elite athletes that will help you consistently perform at your best in any area of life:

  • Be Present – If you want to perform at your best especially in pressure moments, you have to be present not only physically but also mentally and emotionally. This skill is one of the top priorities that I work with athletes and business leaders on in my coaching. We live in a hyper-stimulated world, and our focus is often affected by distractions that direct our mind and emotions down the wrong path, which leads to less than stellar results. I am sure you understand what it means to be present in a place physically, and you also probably know what it feels like to be absent mentally and/or emotionally. As Fulton Oursler said, “Many of us crucify ourselves between two thieves – regret for the past and fear of the future.” The thieves of fear and regret often kill, steal, and destroy our opportunity for triumph, meaning, and impact. You must be present to be your best!
  • Be Outcome-Driven and Process-Focused – I have written about this technique in other places, but this is one of the top ways to both be present and also achieve the outcomes and results that you desire. In this epic Wimbledon battle, Gilles Muller never lost hope and kept focusing on serving well, moving his feet, playing with energy and effort, and mixing up his shots. He was not obsessing about the outcome to the point of desperation or worrying about the circumstances of who he was playing against or the crowd who was cheering for Nadal. He stayed focused on process-oriented things that he could control, which led to playing his best tennis and winning the match. No matter what your role is in life, set challenging goals and desire incredible outcomes. Just remember that to achieve these inspiring goals, you should not consume your mind and emotional energy overly obsessing about the outcome that you want. You must simplify it and focus on the process-oriented things that will lead you to the outcome or result.
  • Be Resilient – Peak performers are resilient and have refined their resiliency through the fires of competition and challenges. People ask me all the time whether resiliency, grit, and determination can be learned and developed, or do some people just possess these qualities while others do not. Based upon our research and experience in working with elite athletes and high performing leaders in business and life, we believe 2 things about resiliency. First, some people possess an innate ability to be highly resilient and possess a stronger will to win than others. Second, no matter what level of resiliency or grit you have been born with, you can grow and develop your ability to persevere in pressure moments. As Angela Duckworth said in her groundbreaking book Grit: The Power Of Passion And Perseverance, “When you keep searching for ways to change your situation for the better, you stand a chance of finding them. When you stop searching, assuming they can’t be found, you guarantee they won.” Our research and experience confirm what she discovered through her own process of discovery: Truly resilient people get into possibility thinking very early when facing a trial or pressure moment. They ask “What’s possible?” instead of saying “Oh, this is bad!” and they strive to find ways to persevere. To grow your grit, focus on having a growth mindset, rely on positive “self-talk” from yourself and others, and seek out and discover what’s possible.

I encourage you to apply these techniques in your life as you pursue your goals and persevere in pressure moments. Don’t be fearful or distracted by the weight of the moment. Be present, unleash your talent, and bring your best in every situation inspiring others to do the same. You may just discover, like Gilles Muller, that resiliency and success are found in one swing of the racket (i.e. taking the next step toward the direction of your dreams)!

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10 Ways To Enhance Your Role As A Mentee – Podcast: S01E012

Mentoring can be a powerful force in the life of another person! In a previous podcast, I shared 10 ways to become an effective mentor. In this week’s podcast, I share 10 ways to enhance your role as a mentee.

Episode Outline:

10 Ways to Enhance Your Role As A Mentee:

  1. Seek out a mentor.
  2. Constantly ask questions of your mentor in order to learn. Sample questions include:
    • What has become clear since we last met?
    • What do you wish you had known earlier in your career?
    • What perspective have you gained based on your experience?
    • What books are you currently reading, studying, and learning from?
    • What is your leadership philosophy?
    • What is the best advice you ever received?
    • What advice would you give to me?
  3. Observe your mentor in action.
  4. Develop a relationship with your mentor.
  5. Have “off-line” conversations with your mentor or counselor.
  6. Develop a peer mentoring group to learn a technology, skill, or ability.
  7. Encourage your mentor!
  8. Find the free.
  9. Establish goals that you want to accomplish with your mentor.
  10. Communicate your goals, dreams, and passions with your counselor or mentor.

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The Art of Leadership

Leadership is both an art and a science. Many leaders, however, emphasize the science of leadership at the expense of the art of leadership, which often leads to less than desirable results in terms of engagement, performance, and teamwork. Whether you are a business leader, coach, or parent, you know that leadership is hard work but can have a lasting and meaningful impact in the lives of the people you lead and influence when delivered in the right way.

business team at table

To understand these terms more and explore what effective leadership looks like, it is important to define what the art and science of leadership means. You can apply both of these terms in all areas of life including sports and business. The “science of leadership” refers to instructing and teaching a technical discipline or path. It includes directing and guiding someone on how to do something the right way effectively and efficiently. It is the most common technique that leaders demonstrate, because most leaders were promoted based on their ability to produce and do things well.

The “art of leadership” is more subtle and esoteric and is often forgotten, discounted, and abandoned when trying to get people to accomplish a task or achieve a mission or goal. Yet, the art of leadership is essential, because this aspect of leadership penetrates to the heart of the people you are leading and influencing. It engages their minds AND their hearts and allows them to perform with purpose and passion. In fact, Max DePree, the former CEO of Herman Miller, wrote a whole book on this topic entitled Leadership is an Art. In this great book on leadership, he said, “The first responsibility of a leader is to define reality. The last is to say thank you. In between the two, the leader must become a servant.”

Here are 10 things you can do to improve your leadership effectiveness through the “art” of leadership:

  1. Encourage the heart of your people.
  2. Reinforce your belief in their abilities.
  3. Empower them by trusting them with opportunities.
  4. Care for them by coaching them and delivering both positive and constructive feedback that will help them grow.
  5. Lead them by communicating a shared vision that includes their contribution to the mission.
  6. Remind them of times when they have succeeded when they are in the midst of a setback.
  7. Instill confidence in them, so they can perform on “game day.”
  8. Listen to them.
  9. Invest time with them.
  10. Be responsible for their development.

The art of leadership is about helping individuals or a team perform on “game day” with trust, belief, and confidence. Yes, the science of leadership is important, but once people have a base level of skills and mastery of something, leaders must demonstrate the art of leadership to help them unleash their potential and consistently perform at their best. As DePree also said, “In a day when so much energy seems to be spent on maintenance and manuals, on bureaucracy and meaningless quantification, to be a leader is to enjoy the special privileges of complexity, of ambiguity, of diversity. But to be a leader means, especially, having the opportunity to make a meaningful difference in the lives of those who permit leaders to lead.”

By applying the ten tips mentioned above, you can become a more effective leader, and the people you lead will be appreciative of your interest in their growth and dedication to their development!

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Surpassing Setbacks: What I Learned From Jordan Spieth

Jordan Spieth found himself in a playoff. Just moments before, he was leading the 2017 Travelers Championship Tournament and just needed to finish strong. As he gathered himself and focused on his tee shot, he attempted to clear a tall tree and instead hit the tree, which yielded a fortunate bounce into the fairway. He could have been wondering what happened – not only on this shot but the shots and holes that forced him into this playoff hole. Why did he hit the tree? Why couldn’t he finish the deal? What was happening?

It’s in these moments that we truly discover what we are made of! Character, grit, and resiliency are refined in the midst of setbacks and struggles. We can either become determined or disillusioned, and it only takes a moment to tilt the balance of confidence one way or the other.

In the midst of challenges in sports, business, and life, here are at least 3 things that we must do to accomplish the goal:

  • Clarify the Goal – When something happens that you did not expect and “perfection” is not achieved, you can tend to react with dismay and disillusionment, because your expectations are misguided. You try to control the outcome of everything you do and forget that there will be moments where you are less than perfect. You press in to control, which leads to being tight, tense, and terse. This is not the way to win a golf tournament, lead your team, or accomplish your goals. It is in these moments that you need to reassess and clarify the goal. For Jordan Spieth, the goal was to win the playoff hole and the tournament…not hit every golf shot perfectly, and he re-focused his energy and effort appropriately to achieve this goal instead of worrying about past failures, which he could not change.
  • Simplify the Process – Especially in moments of strife, I often tell my golfers (and other athletes) the following mantra: “Sometimes, it’s just about getting from point A to point B to point C.” In other words, when things are not going your way, simplify the process to achieve the goal. If a certain part of your game is not going right, play to your strengths and what is going well for you on that particular day. Don’t overanalyze what is not working and why. Also, consistently ask: What am I trying to accomplish? This question can help you get back on task and on target. Finally, be present and process-focused which should lead to the best result you can achieve on a certain day.
  • Stay Engaged – When a bad moment happens, the result can shift our attitude into a superlative mindset. “I can’t hit my driver.” “I never play well in these situations.” “The people I lead don’t listen to me.” “I will never accomplish my goals.” I have a superlative rule that I use with my athletes and business leaders that I coach comprised of a superlative: Never use superlatives to describe your performance or limit your potential. Stay engaged and dedicated to the process with energy and effort. Anything can happen even in the midst of challenging circumstances, and you must live your life with a possibility mindset.

So what happened next for Jordan? After hitting the tree on his tee shot, Jordan sprayed his approach shot into the sand trap next to the green. Daniel Berger, his opponent, hit his shot onto the fringe of the green but far away from the hole. This hole was not going according to plan for Spieth. Or, was it? Jordan had hit a great up and down shot out of the bunker on the 18th hole just moments before to save par and assure this playoff hole. The reality was that he had confidence hitting out of the sand – a place that no one wants to land – and he just needed to be present in this moment and hit a great golf shot.

Jordan Spieth

Jordan assessed the situation, developed a strategy, and visualized his shot as he grabbed the appropriate club for this moment. He trusted his shot and the ball lifted out the sand trap and softly bounced on the green and rolled into the hole. He tossed the winning golf club out of the bunker and chest bumped his caddy, as the crowd cheered in excitement and amazement!

An incredible shot that ultimately won the tournament for him!  In the article “Why Jordan Spieth’s Tee Shots Didn’t Matter,” the Wall Street Journal chronicled his day in this way:

“The result was Spieth’s 10th victory at the age of 23. Since World War II, only Tiger Woods got to double-digit wins at a younger age….The lesson isn’t that power off the tee doesn’t matter, or that it matters less than what a player does on and around the green. It’s that there is more than one way to win in golf, and to lose….There is no disadvantage that can’t be countered by enough excellence in other parts of the game. Especially if you can hole a bunker shot in a sudden-death playoff.

Whatever your role and your goals, there is a lot we can learn from the example of Jordan Spieth’s tournament victory including playing to your strengths, developing a growth and possibility mindset, and staying focused on the right perspective and process to achieve success and impact even in the midst of a temporary setback.

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10 Ways To Enhance Your Role As A Leader And Coach – Podcast: S01E011

Leadership is important in sports, business, and life! We love working with leaders who are passionate about growing their skills and developing the leadership culture of their teams and organizations. The Invisible Hand of Leadership© is one of our foundational programs that we offer to businesses, schools and universities, sports teams, and non-profits to help them grow their leadership potential and experience. In today’s podcast, I discuss one part of the program – the 7 Roles of a Transformational Leader – and offer 10 ways that you can enhance and grow your role as a coach, counselor, and mentor to the people you lead and influence.

Episode Outline

  1. Constantly ask the question, “Am I unleashing the creative brain cells of my people?”
  2. View the recruitment and development of talent as your number one priority!
  3. Take responsibility for their careers.
  4. Build a relationship with the people you are mentoring, counseling or coaching.
  5. Model the way!
  6. Pave the way!
  7. Invest time with your people.
  8. Listen empathically.
  9. Motivate and encourage your people.
  10. Care about your people.

 

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Father’s Day – Podcast: S01E010

In today’s podcast, I talk about 2 men who stepped up and assumed a leadership role in my life after my father left me and my mom at a young age. I am forever grateful for the role these 2 men played in my life and what they taught me about faith, integrity, responsibility, commitment, sports, leadership, and making the most of the moments in my life!

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3 Lessons I Learned From Magic And Bird

I grew up watching and loving basketball in the 80s! They were formative years for me as I was playing high school basketball and watching my beloved Lakers battle the Boston Celtics throughout the decade. It was one of the fiercest rivalries of all time! Two dynasties who hated each other and at the same time loved playing each other just so they could show who was the more dominant team. ESPN just recently created a 30 For 30 film about this rivalry, and it took two nights to tell the whole story.

Magic and Bird

What made this rivalry even better was that the two best players in the NBA were leading their teams into battle: Magic Johnson for the Lakers and Larry Bird for the Celtics. This rivalry began in college and climaxed with the two of them facing each other in the NCAA Championship, which was the most watched game of all time! I was a Magic Johnson fan when he was at Michigan State and became an even bigger fan of his when he joined the Lakers. While I was a foot shorter than him, I was a point guard like him, and I tried to emulate his moves, passion for the game, and his incredible no look passes.

At this point in time in basketball history, you chose a team and rooted for that team, which meant that you despised the other teams and players that were trying to beat you. While I have come to appreciate Larry Bird over time, I did not like him at all when he was competing against Magic and the Lakers, because he was a Celtic! He and his team were trying to take out “my team” – sometimes literally – and I hated that! After watching the ESPN 30 for 30 film and reflecting on almost every moment that I remember watching intently during those championship years, here are at least 3 things that both Magic and Bird taught me about Race, Competition, and Resiliency:

  • Race – The emergence of Larry Bird and Magic Johnson brought out feelings, emotions, and conversations about race during a very fragile time in the history of the NBA. Attendance numbers were horrible for NBA games, and they could not find sponsors or even get the NBA Finals shown on live TV in prime time. I watched many Lakers playoff and finals games on tape delay, meaning they were previously recorded and joined in progress because the network decided the TV show M*A*S*H was more important than my team. Both Larry and Magic entered the league at the same time and brought energy and passion to the game that renewed interest from the fans. The unintended consequence is that part of their rivalry split the country along racial lines. This was never the intent of the two players. In fact, both Bird and Magic saw themselves as great basketball players, not players of a certain color. Growing up in Memphis, I had always seen basketball as a way to transcend race. When we played, the key question was: “Can you play?” If you could play basketball, you were accepted and respected regardless of the color of your skin. Bird and Magic taught me to understand this even more and showed that you did not have to put an extra adjective in describing a player that was of a certain color or race – they were “great basketball players!” Period! I have always applied this in my life when I see people, similar to what Martin Luther King articulated in his “I Have a Dream” speech and definitely what God intended when he created us all!
  • Competition – Magic and Bird pushed each other to be the best they could be. Based upon their passion for the game and their incredible work ethic, I learned how to work hard on my game and compete, loving every moment in the process. Every time I practiced, played a driveway pick up game, or played in a real game, I treated it like Game 7 of the NBA Finals. I also learned that in order to compete well, you focus on what you do well and not the strengths of the other person or team. Competition is all about bringing your best on game day and not worrying about what the other team may or may not do – a lesson the Lakers learned through defeat in 1984 and then success in 1985 and 1987 against their bitter rival.
  • Resiliency – For some reason, I never saw height, speed, or any other physical trait as a limitation to what I could accomplish on and off the court. I know a lot of this mindset was reaffirmed in me by watching Bird and Magic play the game. Bird was doubted at different times in his life, including by his own teammates when he first joined the Celtics, based on the color of his skin and his “perceived” lack of speed and jumping ability. Larry quickly dispelled these perceptions and myths to become one of the greatest basketball players ever! And Magic was called “Tragic” at one point in his career based on a couple of failed moments in the 1984 Finals. Yet, both of them had a courageous heart and an indomitable will to win! Bird was famous for telling the other team the exact play the Celtics were going to run and what he was going to do to win the game and then going out and doing it. And Magic came back to beat the Celtics twice after the bitter 1984 defeat and win 5 overall championships in the 80s by demonstrating leadership and a mindset of “I’m not going down like this!” In fact, Magic won both the league and finals MVP trophies as well as the NBA Championship in 1987 based on a resilient mindset.

There are many things that we can learn from Larry Bird and Magic Johnson both individually and collectively. I am grateful for their passion for the game, their desire and pursuit to be THEIR best and THE best, their work ethic, and their intense will to win. I am also grateful for the life lessons they taught me and the love of a sport that has helped me develop as a leader on and off the court.

My encouragement to you is to apply these same lessons in every part of your life to be the best you can be, to show mutual respect to others, and to be resilient when setbacks say you can’t have a pathway to success!

Finally, being a Magic Johnson and Lakers fan, I could not resist ending this post without including this clip of Larry acknowledging Magic’s greatness after a Finals win for the Lakers!

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The Voice of Effective Leaders – Podcast: S01E009

Leadership is important in sports, business, and life, and the best leaders know how to find their leadership voice in order to communicate well with the people they lead and influence. In today’s podcast, I explore 5 techniques that can help you communicate and connect authentically with your team. I also offer 6 questions that every great leader should ask.

Episode Outline:

5 Effective Leadership Communication Techniques:

  1. Seek First To Understand, Then Be Understood© (The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey)
  2. Communicate the Right Ratio of Positive to Constructive Feedback
  3. Communicate Feedback in Terms of the Other Person’s “Potential To Be”
  4. Be Vulnerable and Open
  5. Encourage Others and Connect to Core Values

6 Questions Every Great Leader Should Ask:

  1. How are you doing?
  2. What are you most proud of over the last few months?
  3. What opportunities have you leveraged?
  4. What successes have you had?
  5. What challenges, if any, do you have in front of you?
  6. How can I help?

 

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How Ralph Waldo Emerson Helped Me Understand My Calling

My mom was an English teacher and always gave me a great love for the classic poets. While her favorite was probably Robert Frost, I always gravitated to Ralph Waldo Emerson. His quotes and his deep thinking about life, impact, and influence definitely affected me as a high school student and as a husband, father, and leader today. When I think about my favorite Emerson quotes, it is hard to limit it to just one quote. Yet, there is one that comes to mind that has made the biggest impact on my life, especially when it comes to my calling in life.

Man writing in a journal

Throughout his life, Emerson mentored and encouraged other writers and poets including Henry David Thoreau. One of the essential questions that he often asked of his friends and mentees was:

What has become clear since we last met?

This simple yet insightful inquiry has always resonated with me because of the very nature of the response that it demands. This question forces you to be self aware – of yourself, your surroundings, your activity, and your opportunities. And the goal is a drive to clarity and action.

I have used this powerful question in my own life and with the people I coach, who have definitely heard me ask them on more than one occasion. It has helped me become clear about my calling and served as a catalyst for me to seize the moment as it relates to the opportunities in my life. Here are 3 things to consider when thinking about this question:

  • What – This part of the question forces you to think about the events of the past day, week, or month and consider the data points in your life. It is easy to go through life in a transactional and busy state aware that you are doing things but not being able to fully recall where the hours and days went and how you spent them. How often have you heard the statements: “I can’t believe it’s 5 pm?” “Where did the day go?” “Is this year already halfway over?” We must think earnestly about the moments in our lives and understand how we are investing our time in order to make the most of our moments.
  • Why – The word “clear” is the central theme and focus of Emerson’s question. Based on the data points that you have experienced in your past, what have you learned and what clarity have you drawn about yourself, your life, others, your impact, your talents and strengths, and your passions? We all desire clarity in our lives, and a fully present consideration of your life can help you draw this clarity. For me, this part of the question is a process. The clarity does not always come by asking the question the first time. There have been times in my life where I did not have a good answer about why I was going through a certain moment and, therefore, could not yet draw clarity about it. Over time, I was able to work through this process and become clear about the experiences in my life and how they were shaping my character and calling.
  • What’s Next – Careful observation leads to discernment and learning, which should result in purposeful action both now and in the future. The learning and insight you gain about the past reminds you to continue down a certain path or redirect your efforts toward a different outcome. It also helps to clarify your calling, which becomes an active state of living your purpose. The insight is not useful if it doesn’t get put into practice.

Clarity in 3D

Ralph Waldo Emerson posed this question to his friends was to get them to think about their life and their activity and make conscientious choices about how they invest their time. As you think about what happened yesterday, last week, and/or last month, ask this question on a regular basis both of yourself and others to help gain clarity of calling and your next step. It just might be one of the best questions you could ever consider.

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